he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
