I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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