3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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