I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
where are you?
Hypothermia
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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