last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
