so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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