Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she told me i tasted like america
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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