last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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