He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
