I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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