I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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