haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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