I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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