Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
