Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
