remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
