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i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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