You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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