I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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