is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
