So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
