you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
