nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
