Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
