nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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