I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
