Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
