did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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