i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
