the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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