What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
