): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
