once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
