i jhust puked up my retainher.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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