WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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