I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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