i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
