I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize