My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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