My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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