I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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