I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I could make wine with my vomit
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
