and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
