my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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