omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
