I seem to have left my pride at pride
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
