do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
