your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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