as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
