Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
