I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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