as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
