Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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