If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
