i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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