What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
