Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
