what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
