He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
